Real Salt Lake

Time for another laugh at the expense of those major football fashion faux pas.

Before we go any further, to avoid any confusion I will state that these shirts are in reference to World Football or Soccer, not NFL as was thought before.

These articles are meant to be a light-hearted look at football fashion disasters, not to be taken as an attack on anyone's club, country or culture.

If you like this article you can find two previous articles on Bleacher Report entitled: 20 of the World's Worst Football Jerseys and 20 More of the Football's Worst Jerseys.

If that does not satisfy your hunger for football fashion, those of the beauty and of the beast nature, then check out my weekly Top 10 Hall of Fame and Shame on the Footballshirtculture website.  

If anyone has any recommendations on jerseys that should be included or that I have overlooked, please leave a comment or a note on my message board.

As always, shame on you if you own one!!

10. Atletico Madrid

The Spainards took advertising a little too far with this away kit.

9. Borussia Dortmund

The brand new away kit by the German club is...well...different!

8. Scotland

I'll admit it is not the worst shirt you'll ever see but it surely warrants its place in a Hall of Shame.

7. Huddersfield Town (GK)

What colour do we like?? Can't decide, thrown 'em all on.

6. VFL Bochum

Bochum illustrate another sure fire way to clash with an opponents shirt.

5. Kaiserslautern

Forget vertical and horizontal, zig-zag is the way to go, or so Kaiserslautern thought in the early 90s.

4. Botev

Between 1995 and 1997, Bulgarian side Botev took to the pitch looking like a jar of mustard.

3. Lanus

Nice colour for the Argentine team, shame about the design though.

2. Real Salt Lake

Ok, this is on for two reasons. One, I fear the Americans will feel left out and two, that has to be the worst logo I have ever seen.

1.  Carlos Navarro Montoya Boca Jrs

I feel it needs no explaination.....

As pointed out here on the B/R by David Wilson, the MLS is totally unpredictable. Sunday night's match between the San Jose Earthquakes and Real Salt Lake was supposed to be an easy win for San Jose. Instead, RSL managed to keep up with the Earthquakes the entire game and won the match, 3-2.

The Earthquakes went into the match coasting on a nine-game winning streak. RSL came into the match with one of the worst away records in the league (1-9-2).

It seems like more goals are scored within the first five minutes in MLS than any other league. RSL opened the score in the third minute, before many fans had time to get comfortable in their seats. Javier Morales chipped a pass to teammate Movsisyan, who then made a beautiful move and fired home a screamer from 12 yards out. The score was 1-0, Real Salt Lake.

In the 23rd minute, the Earthquakes equalized when Huckerby received a chipped pass from Ryan Cochrane and beat out the goalkeeper for a goal. The score was now 1-1.

San Jose nearly pulled ahead in the 33rd minute when Scott Sealy volleyed a free kick from Ronnie O'Brien into the net, but his goal was declined because of offsides.

RSL also had a chance to pull ahead when Movsisyan went one-on-one with San Jose's goalkeeper. The keeper managed to deflect the shot, but Movsisyan rebounded the ball towards the net only to have Ryan Cochrane clear the ball off the line.

San Jose almost pulled ahead again when a free kick from Huckerby found Cochrane who headed the ball over the post.

The Earthquakes finally gained the lead in the 47th minute. Huckerby and Arturo Alvarez had some brilliant play that eventually saw Huckerby score a goal. The score was 2-1, Earthquakes.

However, less than a minute later, Real once again came back to score and once again it was thanks to Movsisyan and once again a chipped pass allowed him to score. Kyle Beckerman chipped a pass to Movsisyan who chipped the ball over Joe Cannon to score. The score was now 2-2.

Then in the 59th minute, Real Salt Lake went ahead for good when Morales hooked a 25-yard free kick into the upper left corner of the goal for a 3-2 lead.

The rest of the match was pretty much uneventful. Both clubs sent in substitutes near the end of the match. San Jose sent on Shea Salinas for Ronnie O'Brien in the 69th minute and RSL brought Robbie Findley for Clint Mathis.

Both clubs had chances to change the score again. San Jose had a free kick that was blocked in the 79th minute; and then in the 81st minute, another free kick went over the crossbar.

Real Salt Lake now move to third in the Western Conference table with 34 points. San Jose meanwhile, stay in sixth with 29 points. Salt Lake will head to New England for a match on Saturday and San Jose will go up against FC Dallas in MLS Primetime on Thursday.

There are only five weeks left in the MLS regular season, and no team has been statistically eliminated from competing in the playoffs. Parity, it seems, has been delivered by the league as promised.

Unlike in the EPL where results are relatively easily to predict (or Serie A, where they are sometimes predetermined), MLS results seem to be almost arbitrary this season. Just when you think you can write someone off (San Jose or L.A., for example), they come fighting back. The only thing that has been foreseeable is that something unforeseen will happen.

For example, take a quick look at last week’s game between Chivas USA and Real Salt Lake. The Goats had been pretty bad this year (especially on the road), despite the fact they currently sat third in the anemic Western Division. RSL had been looking impressive and hadn’t just been solid at home, they were freaking undefeated. Throw on top of all that the fact that it was RSL’s last game ever in Rice-Eccles Stadium, and you better believe gamblers everywhere had RSL as a sure winner in this match-up.

But then, they played the game and Chivas won. It didn’t make any sense on paper but it happened.

Such has been the theme of the entire 2008 MLS season. On paper, some things look to be certain, but on the pitch, it’s been a whole other story. Even Miss Cleo couldn’t have predicted the following:

Columbus was supposed to be mired in defensive battles all-season. Instead, Schelotto’s touch has made them the second highest scoring team in the league this year.

New England was supposed to take a step back after losing Dorman and Noonan. Instead, unheard of guys from Africa have stepped up and made the team a contender again.

Houston was supposed to lack fire power after losing two important strikers to clubs overseas. Instead, they brought back some homegrown talent to dominate the West.

Chicago was supposed to be fractured after a falling out with their old coach. Instead, their new coach has rallied them into a cohesive unit for a great run.

New York was supposed to be out of luck when Altidore jetted for La Liga. Instead, crafty veterans have kept their playoff dreams afloat.

DC United was supposed to dominate after “upgrading” from Gomez to Gallardo. Instead, Soehn’s bunch has looked schizophrenic and Gallardo is easily the biggest flop of the 2008 season.

Chivas was supposed to build on last season’s success. Instead, Preki’s players have stalled and must now fight for their post-season lives.

Kansas City was supposed to finally achieve offensive acumen with Lopez. Instead, the Louse has rivaled Gallardo as one of the biggest disappointments in MLS.

Colorado was supposed to shed their defensive image for Gomez’s run and gun offense. Instead, the Rapids have run dry on offense and have had to rely on no-name defensive mids to keep their playoff dreams intact.

Real Salt Lake was supposed to stay at the bottom of the table in obscurity. Instead, their inspired play have taken them within grasp of their first playoff berth.

Dallas was supposed to flat-out stink without their offensive spark, Ruiz. Instead, Kenny Cooper has the seeming also-rans looking to run straight into the playoffs.

Los Angeles was supposed to be darn good, what with Beckham, Donovan, Ruiz and Co. Instead, the Gals have been bad. Really bad.

San Jose was supposed to sink to the bottom of the league table. Instead, they’ve been the best MLS story of the year by refusing to quit.

Finally, Toronto was supposed to stink this year. Instead…

Well, I guess they have stunk.

One out of 14 ain’t bad.

Fabian Espindola likes to celebrate goals. At some point, he decided he would make it his custom to celebrate a goal with a back flip. Apparently, no one associated with his club, Real Salt Lake, told him this was not a good idea.

Six minutes into RSL’s game with the Gals last weekend, Espindola thought he had netted one and proceeded to perform his customary back flip. There were just two problems: (1) the goal had been called back as Espindola was offsides and (2) Espindola’s flip flopped and he came down awkwardly on his ankle.

Now, Espindola may miss the entire rest of the regular season with an injured ankle.

Espindola’s ankle will undergo further tests this week, but what really needs to be examined is his head and the head of his manager. At what point did anyone think his little back flip routine was a good idea? It’s cute, sure, but it’s dangerous, foolish and actually a display of pretty poor sportsmanship.

If I had been his manager, I would have yanked him from the game the first time he did it and told him he would never see the pitch again unless he promised never to do it again. RSL didn’t do that. They let him keep flipping. Now, he’s flipped his way onto the injury report during the crucial final stretch of the season.

Now, I know athletes have suffered a ton of stupid injuries over the years. Big Ben Roethlisberger celebrated his Super Bowl win by flying around Pittsburgh on a motorcycle without a helmet on, that is, until he wiped out and almost ended his career. Hall of Fame third baseman Wade Boggs once got a concussion when he was trying to put his boots on, lost his balance and crashed his head into a bed post. Slugger Sammy Sosa once injured his back by sneezing. These are all stupid injuries because they could have been prevented (somebody could have gotten Sammy some Claritin to go with his HGH)…

But it’s especially foolish to injure one’s self while celebrating an on-field accomplishment. Espindola is not the first to do so and will definitely not be the last. Bill Gramatica, an NFL kicker with Arizona, tore an ACL while jumping up and down after making a kick. QB Gus Frerotte of the Washington Redskins celebrated a TD by headbutting a wall and giving himself a concussion. There are many, many more examples I could cite here, but you get the point: Sports are dangerous enough as it is without death-defying celebrations.

The real question isn’t why these celebratory injuries keep happening. They happen because many professional athletes are showboating idiots. No, the real question is why teams allow their players to celebrate in such dangerous ways.

I can’t tell you the number of times I have seen a player score a TD or a goal only to see him literally tackled to the ground and crushed by a half dozen or so teammates. Now, that’s great for camaraderie and it’s nice everyone wants to tackle the guy to show him they liked his play, but if he tweaks his PCL on the bottom of that pile, somebody else is going to have to fill his spot in the lineup.

Hopefully, RSL have learned their lesson and will keep Espindola’s feet firmly on the ground from now on.

But then again, maybe teams will never learn.

Only two minutes after Fabian’s flop forced him from the game, youngster Brian Jordan of L.A. scored a goal.

He then proceeded to do a front flip to celebrate.

If I had been Bruce Arena at that moment, I would have shown Jordan a flip of my own.

With my middle finger.

Numbers are good for many things. For example, counting, measuring, and ranking Miss America contestants are just three of number’s manifold, essential uses. Without numbers, the rules by which a society lives would have no merit. In fact, can you even imagine a world in which no one abided by the five-second rule?

Numbers are also used alot in sports. Whether it’s the salary cap, rules of discipline or keeping score, we need numbers to know who wins and loses and to ensure everyone plays fair. We also look to numbers to assess a team or player’s quality and to predict future results.

For centuries, people have argued that numbers may have magic powers. I don’t place much emphasis on such myths, but I am also wary of writing them off completely, especially when one considers how any number can have great significance to a MLS squad this season:

1. One, as in the number of games New York, Toronto and Houston have lost at home this year or the number of one goal games LAG has won.
2. Two, as in the number of games DCU has tied all season or the outrageous average number of goals per game LAG has ceded this year.
3. Three, as in the number of games CMB has currently won in a row.
4. Four, as in the number of game winning goals Steve Ralston and Kenny Cooper have scored for their respective teams.
5. Five, as in the number of game winning assists Guillermo Barros Schelotto has generated for CMB or the number of multi-goal games Mr. Donovan has had for LAG this season.
6. Six, as in the number of consecutive games Luciano Emilio scored a goal earlier this year. 
7. Seven, as in the poor number of goals RSL has scored in away games all year or the number of games CHI played earlier this year without losing or tying.
8. Eight, as in the number of yellow cards Mr. Nagamura has received for CHV this season or the number of times CMB has won a game by one goal.
9. Nine, as in the number of shutouts CHI’s Jon Busch has had this year.
10. Ten, as in the number of games since LAG’s last win or the number of goals CHV has scored in the last 15 minutes of this year’s games (they’ve scored just one in the first 15 minutes).

And then there’s zero. I can’t remember from third grade math whether zero is really a number or not (perhaps the absence of a number?). But zero has been real important to Real Salt Lake this year. That’s the number of times they’ve been beaten at home. If not for such dominance, RSL would have seen its playoffs hopes dashed a month ago, so I guess for RSL fans, no number is the most magical number of all.

D.C. United did not have the great start to their season that they envisioned after bringing in so many high profile players this off-season. But the club may have turned the corner after an impressive win at home over Real Salt Lake, 4-1, as Jaime Moreno scored 2 goals. D.C. United is now 2-3-0 and snapped a two game losing streak.

Moreno scored both his goals off penalty kicks, as he is the all time MLS leader in PK’s with 35 for his career. When asked about his penchant for PK’s Moreno stated, “It’s just one of those things. I’m good at it. I’m lucky enough to score that many penalties, and I just have to keep working on it.”

D.C. United’s Santino Quaranta and Marcelo Gallardo also scored in the game. Real Salt Lake’s only goal in the game came from Carey Talley. Real Salt Lake (1-3-1) has not won any games on the road this season.

The first PK in the game came after Dema Kovalenko was whistled for a handball in the penalty box in the 31st minute. Moreno easily beat the Real Salt Lake goalie to give the home squad a 1-0 lead.

In the 51st minute, Moreno scored his second PK of the game kicking a ball in the top left corner, which was an unstoppable shot. Moreno also assisted on the 3rd goal of the game lofting a feed to Santino Quaranta who found the back of the twine to give D.C. United a 3-0 lead.

In the 77th minute Real Salt Lake closed the gap, as Tally scored, but then only three minutes later Gallardo scored making the score 4-1, which would eventually stand.

When asked about Moreno’s great performance after the game D.C. United head coach Tommy Soehn said, “Jamie leads in so many ways. The ball he sent over to Santino, a lot of guys don’t recognize those passing situations and he just has a maturity about him that makes people around him better. He leads in so many ways, but his play is one of the best ways he can lead.”

Even though Real Salt Lake is not the most talented team in the MLS, it was a good sign that D.C. United tallied 4 goals, as their offense has been struggling. They are still near the bottom of the MLS standings in the Eastern Conference, but this game will give the team some confidence.

D.C. United travels to Colorado on Sunday for their next game, while Real Salt Lake will host the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday.

Toronto FC wins home opener and their 2nd in a row beating Real Salt Lake 1-0.

In the games only goal Laurent Robert sent a scorching shot that found the back of the net in the 31st minute on a free kick deflection.

Robert, who is from France and played for Derby in the English Premier League last season, gave Toronto the 1-0 lead, which would stick and be the final score. When asked about the goal after the game Robert said, “The free kick for me was very lucky as it was so close to the goal, only 16 yards away. I knew the wall would jump so I hit it hard and was very lucky that it deflected in.”

Toronto FC (2-2-0) has now won two games in a row. Their win over Real Salt Lake was their first game at home in front of their rabid fans at BMO Field. It was the first time in Toronto’s brief history, as this is only their 2nd season that they are at the .500 mark.

The game was disappointing for Real Salt Lake, as they came into this game playing well after beating D.C. United 4-0 in their last game.

The first half was dominated by Toronto, as they had 7 shots on goal and Real Salt Lake had 0. In the 44th minute Toronto almost added to their lead, but Real Salt Lake goalie Nick Rimando made a great diving save on a shot from Marvell Wynne.

Real Salt Lake came out for the 2nd half and pressed early and almost tied the score, but a loose ball only inches away from going in was cleared by Toronto.

Toronto head coach John Carver said, “I told them to expect them (Real Salt Lake) to come out quick in the second half. I knew their coach would be giving them a good rollicking. We dug in and we dealt with it.”

Toronto’s goalie Greg Sutton saved the shutout with two great saves, one on the 65th minute and another in the 85th minute.

Real Salt Lake head coach Jason Kreis said about the game, “It was definitely a tale of two halves. We came out tactically and played that game wrong. The coaching staff takes full responsibility for us coming out and sitting back, when perhaps we should have pressed them from minute one.”

Toronto will have a tough time making it 3 wins in a row, as their next match is against Kansas City at home, while Real Salt Lake will travel to the nation’s capital to play D.C. United in their next game.

New York Red Bulls

 
Key Acquisition(s)

Zack Thornton

 
Key Loss(es)

Ronald Wattereus, Clint Mathis, Demo Kovelenko, Markus Schopp

The New York Red Bulls were good early last year, but faded late because they failed to score goals.

But this is the year Altidore will break out. He has been streaky, but as the second full-time striker, he should have at least 15 goals. When paired with Angel, who will contribute 22 to 25, they should make the best tandem in MLS this year.

The real problem is in the back.

Can Parke, the last pick in last year’s draft, really be the man back their? If he can, then a solid playoff team will follow. If not, a leaky defense could signal a fall out of the post-season and the end of the line for their coach.

Prediction

Playoffs, 4th overall

 

Real Salt Lake

Key Acquisition(s)

A new, soccer-specific Stadium, Dema Kovalenko, Matias Corboda, Kenny Deuchar, Matt Borchers

Key Loss(es)

Alecko Eskandarian

RSL has fortified itself with good young talent. Players like Kyle Beckerman and Robbie Findley should have great seasons.

But their transformation into a potential playoff team really stems from leaving their monstrously bad, almost unplayable stadium behind. Look for a surprisingly strong RSL side this year. 

Prediction

Playoffs, sixth overall

Chicago Fire

 
Key Acquisition(s)

Thomasz Frankowski, Patrick Nyarko, Brandon Prideaux, Andy Herron

Key Loss(es)

Matt Pickens, Ivan Guerrero 

Chicago went deep last year, but that will not happen again.

The Fire has holes at some key spots and the back line is getting older. Besides that, there is no goalkeeper to speak of.

While the team will regress, it still should have a very solid season and one of its better years offensively. Watch for a 4-3-3 this season. 

 
Prediction

Playoffs, 7th overall

Columbus Crew

 
Key Acquisition(s)

NONE

 
Key Loss(es)

Andy Herron, Marcos Gonzalez

This team is poised to take a step back this season.

Columbus will rely on its stable of older players, such as Schelotto, Hejduk, and Moreno. They were active in the foreign market and tried to get some younger talent, and they will look to make additions later in the season.

But at least for now, the Crew’s season hopes look bleak.

Prediction

No playoffs, 11th overall, sub-.500 record

Toronto FC

Key Acquisition(s)

Kevin Harmse

Key Loss(es)

Kenny Stamatopoulos, Ronnie O'Brien

The Toronto faithful were great last year, but their team was not. And this off-season, things only got worse.

But they have a stud in Maurice Edu, and they will look to add some talent around him to improve for next season.

Prediction

Dead last, 14th overall