Random Sports

The following is one of those weird moments in life where you watch something and honestly don't understand how what you saw is possible.

This is probably because every instinct you have insists there is no way anyone could easily beat Thor "The Mountain" Bjornsson in an arm-wrestling match.

You'd concede there are probably a few people on the planet who could beat the man who plays Ser Gregor Clegane on HBO's Game of Thrones, but it'd be a tough battle, seeing as he's 6'9", 400 pounds and—you know—Europe's Strongest Man.

But that's exactly what you're watching: Bjornsson being handily beaten time and again in a friendly arm-wrestling competition against Canadian pulling titan Devon Larratt.

A two-time World Armwrestling League champion, Larratt took on Bjornsson one arm at a time.

Watching Larratt coolly instruct one of the strongest men to ever walk the Earth in proper arm-wrestling technique while said strong man is trying really hard to pin him is one of the more surreal things you'll see.

Larratt just stands there, kindly reminding Bjornsson to maintain eye contact for full focus. He's being very polite to the Mountain, who would really like to win this thing:

Just goes to show, there are different kinds of strength and a lot more to arm-wrestling than just brute force. It's like sweaty, red-faced chess, and Larratt is a grand master.

Bjornsson, on the other hand...he's more into the kind of strength that produces head smoothies.

Dan is on Twitter. He's just glad no one exploded a bicep.

Baltimore Orioles cameraman Geoff Britten recently became the first American to defeat the Mount Midoriyama obstacle course during a recent taping of American Ninja Warrior.

The episode showing Britten's feat aired Monday. 

As Sporting News' Troy Machir notes, Britten is a 36-year-old cameraman who does freelance work for the Mid-Atlantic Sports Network. In his spare time, he trains to do things like climb Mount Midoriyama's final obstacle: a 75-foot rope climb that contestants must complete in 30 seconds or less.

Calling it a difficult task doesn't do this climb justice, and watching Britten go up the rope like Nightcrawler only adds to my growing suspicion that the people who excel at American Ninja Warrior are just poorly closeted mutants.

In any case, despite his radiation-altered genetics, Britten still only made it to the top by the thinnest of margins—hitting the button with 0.35 seconds on the clock.

This was an incredible moment for the show and the American Ninja Warrior community, and it wasn't even the most ridiculous part of the event. 

Immediately after Britten's historic climb, Isaac Caldiero—a busboy and professional rock climber from Boulder, Colorado—upped the ante and made it to the summit with 3.86 seconds left on the clock.

Having the best time, Caldiero won the $1 million at stake for the contest. Britten, on the other hand, will have to be content with making American Ninja Warrior history and being only slightly slower at climbing than a professional rock climber. 

I could live with that. Though they could've at least thrown Britten a steak or something, you know, for making it all the way to the summit of the Aggro Crag's terrifying father and whatnot.

Dan is on Twitter, waiting for a gritty Legends of the Hidden Temple reboot.

Remember that giant great white some crazy person high-fived a while back? The one the size of a small bus?

Well, her name's Deep Blue, and she's back boggling marine biologists with her size, age and basically every other characteristic imaginable.

As for that crazy person, he's Mauricio Hoyos Padilla, director-general of nonprofit marine research group Pelagios-Kakunja. He's been tracking Deep Blue's movement for some time now, and as the Huffington Post's Ryan Grenoble noted, he recently uploaded video of another encounter with the shark.

Padilla estimates Deep Blue to be 20 feet or more in length and near 50 years old. He also thinks the shark is pregnant, so she's hunting for at least three (they typically have between two and 10 pups!) , if your nethers haven't already sufficiently tightened.

I'm also 95 percent sure Deep Blue has a writer's credit in Deep Blue Sea. That's how she broke through into big-time shark videos, you know, although some critics believe the shark once dubbed "The Meryl Streep of the Pacific" is just phoning it in now with these serene, direct-to-Internet glide-bys.

Personally, I prefer her raw, early work with the cages but will never begrudge any shark that chooses not to attack humans at every opportunity. At a certain age, you just grow out of the Jaws scene.

Dan is on Twitter. He will be moving to Nebraska now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luNGjffDjCs

Aside from making your morning commute five minutes longer, cyclists don't have a lot of recourse in this world.

Physically, there's just not a lot that a guy in spandex can do to a driver wielding an engine belted to thousands of pound of steel. 

The combination of speed and weight differentials leads to a lot of horrible encounters between bike and car, with cars "winning" an unsurprising majority of those encounters ("winning" meaning "emerging alive" in this case).

But now, like a gladiator sent from the two-wheeled gods, a very strong cycling enthusiast exacted a small amount of revenge on morons who just do whatever they please with their automobile.

Video of a very large man dead-lifting a car parked in the middle of a bike path emerged Monday. Metro's Richard Hartley-Parkinson reported that the incident was filmed in Stockholm, Sweden, although I've been told this took place in Sao Paulo, Brazil—which is very much not Sweden.

Anyway, what we do know for sure is this man moved a sub-compact car like he was rearranging beach chairs. It appears the car's owner (possible the guy in the white shirt) may have walked in at the end to offer to move the car.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can back ou-...welp...just pick it up then, I guess. Picking it up works, too."

The one common lament here is that the giant man didn't ring his bell twice as he rode off, which is a shame. On the other hand, the fact that this guy didn't find dead-lifting a car remarkable enough to gloat over says volumes.

Dan is on Twitter. The Mountain Who Rides strikes again.

You must come to terms with e-sports, real sports fans.

Do not fight it. Just drink from the mana well of the gaming world and let the power of 1,000 additional pylons fill your body.

Because to do otherwise would leave you on the wrong side of semi-sports history and, more importantly, bereave you of moments such as this one, where a young man got too cocky on the sticks and was promptly pwned.

Destructoid's Kyle MacGregor brings us the tragic tale of Woshige, a professional Guilty Gear Xrd player who celebrated a win prematurely and lost because of it.

Facing off against Ogawa in a match at the Evo 2015 tournament, Woshige grabbed a comeback victory in the second frame of a three-round battle.

It was an emotional moment for Woshige, who jumped up and held his fists to the crowd like Rocky.

If you've ever boom-headshot-yeahed your way to an improbable video game victory, Woshige's joy is relatable. Winning at video games is the best. I've flipped tables over a hard-won GoldenEye Bunker showdown.

The only problem for Woshige was there was one game left to play, and he was still working the room like Vince McMahon when it began.

Ogawa didn't wait for him to finish his baby-kissing circuit and put Woshige away without a scratch by the time he scrambled back to his controller.

Some of my favorite moments from this video:

1. Announcers lauding Woshige for win.

2. "NO BURST! NO BURST! OH, MY GOD! GENIUS!"

3. "So smart! So smart!"

4. Announcers immediately and dramatically turning on Woshige for his negligence.

5. "Woshige thinks it's over!"

6. "Woshige nooooooo!"

7. "NOT LIKE THIS!"

8. "WHAT ARE YOU STANDING UP FOR?"

9. Ogawa going with some kind of inverted, Cam Newton Superman chest-rip.

Seriously. Ogawa equals the realest MVP:

So there it is: the Bill Gramatica of e-sports celebrations. The buzzer-beater followed by a buzzer-beater of gaming. Woshige is the Nick Young of e-sports.

And if all this isn't rich enough at face value, I received this bit of information from Jeff Dee, an e-sports fan who put Woshige's celebration into fantastic context:

Bless you, Woshige. You clowned on the MJ of the game and faltered at the line.

https://twitter.com/RiotZephyreal/status/623319040732205057

Next time champ!

Dan is on Twitter. Gotta pwn through the line, noobs.

Arnaud Longobardi is a speed flyer, which is daredevil speak for "parachute-wielding crazy person."

His pastimes include jumping off mountains and staring death in its good eye, and after watching his latest stunt, I'm convinced death is still balled up in a corner, shivering in impotence.

Epic TV released footage on Thursday of the 43-year-old Frenchman parachuting into a moving cable car like a real-life James Bond 150 meters (492 feet) above the ground.

Longobardi told Epic TV it took him six months to think through the stunt and convince himself it was possible:

I had this project in mind for a full year before we did it,. I thought about it every day, thought through all the challenges - speed, angle, height - all the different scenarios from the takeoff to the approach to the landing. After six months, I finally decided OK, I've thought through all the possibilities and there is nothing that can happen during the flight that I haven't imagine and mentally prepared for. This is do-able.

As Longobardi notes, a lot of things had to fall in place perfectly for this stunt to work:

For this to be possible would require the glider to actually stall as I entered the door. At 200 meters from the cable car I was traveling at 80kph. From that point, I had to make a very controlled deceleration to 35 kph - the precise speed where the glider would stall and collapse - at one meter from the cable car and my momentum would carry me in. If I stalled before reaching the door - disaster.

The conditions had to be pristine, the cable car had to be at a certain point in its descent and—lest we forget—the cable car company had to sign off on a stunt that could only end poorly for it (it did sign off, according to Epic TV).

Another fun thing is this LinkedIn profile, which appears to belong to Arnaud Longobardi and lists him as a pilot with Air France.

Unless there's another Arnaud Longobardi out there with experience as a "pro speed rider," this is our guy. Keep that in mind next time you're traveling commercial in Europe.

Dan is on Twitter. His greatest stunt involved a Razor scooter and a parking block.

ESPN 2 is a twisting nether of weirdness.

At any given moment, anything—or perhaps everything—could be happening on this station. The Dos, as it's known colloquially in my brain, is a plug-and-chug outlet for ESPN spinoffs, documentaries and live feeds of competitive labrum tearing.

The ESPN 2 experience is a potluck dinner, and a number of prospective diners lost their appetites and/or sanity when they tuned in to the Dos late Sunday night to see a live broadcast of an online gaming tournament.

The event was "Heroes of the Dorm," a Blizzard-sponsored Heroes of the Storm tournament pitting teams from college campuses across North America against each other for the grand prize of a full college scholarship.

Surrounded by NBA playoff and Stanley Cup action, the two-hour "e-sports" program stood out from other fare aired Sunday. Of course, some people freaked the hell out when they saw extensive construction of additional pylons occurring on ESPN's alternate channel.

Here's a taste of extremely sports'd people getting mad over the lack of real sports-ing going in a late Sunday time slot at ESPN 2:

Is @espn 2 serious with this programming right now? This is a sports channel right? What the hell is this? pic.twitter.com/dGq6MhZBji

— Carl Mandell (@CarlMandell) April 27, 2015

ESPN 2 right now should be changed to ESPN 8 the ocho. Why the hell is online gaming on TV? #WaitWhaaaaat

— Andy Carr (@andycarr24) April 27, 2015

ESPN 2 is showing college kids play video games, and Ultimate can't get more coverage why? @UltiProblems

— Awools (@awools1) April 27, 2015

Literally can't take ESPN 2 serious right now

— Nathan Michael (@Nathan_Michael9) April 27, 2015

glad that video games have finally reached ESPN 2. would much rather watch this than sports or something entertaining

— jared (@jared_taute4) April 27, 2015

Conversely, others found themselves enraptured by the heroes and their dragons. They didn't understand the sight that lay before them, but they couldn't look away:

I'd make fun of whatever is on ESPN 2, but I can't turn away from it.

— Greg Garno (@G_Garno) April 27, 2015

Turn on ESPN 2...Don't know anything about this game, but I can't stop watching.

— Corey Greevy (@Corey_ADoomTR) April 27, 2015

I don't know what's happening on ESPN 2. but I can't stop watching and I want these announcers for everything

— Kevin Rostron (@Krostron4) April 27, 2015

A video game, with real play-by-play is airing right now on ESPN 2! I can't believe what I'm watching, but so hooked....

— Cameron Cox (@CamCox12) April 27, 2015

I have no idea what's happening on espn 2 but I can't turn it off.

— mark webb (@markwebbclfs) April 27, 2015

I have no clue what's going on in this video game on ESPN 2, but. I can't stop watching

— Tyler Thompson (@tylerthompson23) April 27, 2015

Most just thought it was hilarious:

Just took this screenshot of the ESPN 2 video game tournament. #NeedzMoarPowerGlove pic.twitter.com/dyi4AszH8f

— Greg Wyshynski (@wyshynski) April 27, 2015

https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub/status/592540707358900224

"That's the type of dragon that will be on the cover of Sports Illustrated!!!"- analyst of the League of Legends competition on ESPN 2

— Evan Turner (@evanturnerr) April 27, 2015

This isn't the first time ESPN has aired video game footage on its networks. "The Worldwide Leader in Sports" ran a Dota 2 gaming championship in 2014, to similar surly reactions from certain fans.

Deadspin's Timothy Burke tweeted the network has also been airing "Heroes of the Dorm" matches on ESPN 3 for the past couple of months:

"Heroes of the Dorm" has been on ESPN3 for months, so this surprise/outrage at it being on ESPN2 tells you how obscure ESPN3 is to most ppl.

— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) April 27, 2015

With that said, this is about as good a time as any to admit I'm a closet nerd—or was a closet nerd.

I've played StarCraft. I did the Diablo thing before the franchise became a contemptible embarrassment. Hell, I'll still lace them up for some Halo or Call of Duty or whatever boom-headshot-yeah title you want to play.

Video games have their place, and while no one wants to see Leeroy Jenkins battle Ragnaros the Firelord on Saturday mornings in the fall (or do they?), the occasional late-night gaming tournament is no worse than the hours of mindless World Series of Poker programming ESPN loves to run as daytime filler.

Also, just look at these kids go. I don't know what they're doing, but The Cauldron posted a Vine of Arizona State and UC Berkeley locking horns in the championship. The broadcast had commentators and everything.

We're this close to hearing Bill Walton yell, "My life for Aiur."

https://twitter.com/BillWalton/status/592560243692863490

Think about that.

Dan is on Twitter. Always construct additional pylons.

A video surfaced on the Internet on Thursday morning of an event I can’t find a name for, but it will change everything you know about rowing, tug of war and perhaps physics. 

YouTube user SmokiPolnocy posted footage of two groups of men sitting at opposite ends of a dragon boat (like a rowboat, but double-wide and awesomely named). They left us a simple explanation for what would happen next: “The Polish have invented a new sport.”

This appeared to be the case. Polish writing abounded and people screamed as the teams paddled against each other in something resembling measured athletic competition.

After your first watch, you might wonder why the team that crossed the line is celebrating. This confuses our brains, which are wired for the normal, land-bound variety of tug of war, where kids who hit puberty early demoralize their classmates at track and field day. 

Dragon boat tug of war, or dragon war (we’re definitely calling it that), works differently. It involves out-paddling the other team, pushing them back and moving toward the center line. 

It must be said: This is a mighty fine competition, and I eagerly await the nuclear rain of #WellActuallys explaining how this supposedly new sport is actually an ancient Nordic tradition that’s been around since Rollo, brother of Ragnar, bested the wolf god Fenrir in a rowing race across the Sognefjord.

Furthermore, I can’t wait until this becomes an Olympic event—if not just to hear my fellow countrymen talk about how America would “totally dominate dragon war” if football and the Kardashians didn’t monopolize our nation’s athletes.

Long live dragon war.

Dan is on Twitter. He is training to be a dragon boat coxswain for Rio 2016.

Once again, it has come time for your regularly scheduled reminder that Hafthor Bjornsson is a Norse titan in human flesh and someone we should all fear at night.

Taking time away from his crammed schedule of skull-pulping and pillaging as Ser Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane on HBO’s Game of Thrones, Bjornsson continues to bend the realm of possibility with his participation in international strongman competitions. 

After breaking a 1,000-year-old world record during the World's Strongest Viking competition back in February by carrying a 30-foot, 1,433-pound log, Bjornsson added another notch to his belt with a world-record throw at the 2015 Arnold Sports Festival. The 6’9”, 419-pound Icelandic weightlifter posted videos (h/t BroBible.com’s J. Camm) of the feat to Instagram. With one arm, he managed to toss a 56-pound kettle bell 19 feet and three inches into the air.

The Icelander wrote in his caption (sic) that the record was a nice uptick from a poor start to the competition:

I had ups & downs at the Arnold Strongman Classic this past weekend. I did an awful mistake in the deadlift which cost me alot of points! Yesterday made me feel a little bit better though. I did a weight for height event on the main stage. I went over 19’3 with a 56lbs weight and that is a New World Record!!

We can only presume this means Bjornsson displayed poor form while uprooting a standalone condo. 

As for the kettle bell toss, let’s put the feat into perspective: With one arm, Bjornsson threw a metal ball—weighing 14 pounds heavier than the largest 18th century cannonball—nearly 20 feet into the air. That’s nearly twice the height of a basketball rim!

Couple this with his past strongman performances, which include earning the title of “Europe’s Strongest Man” and ripping his shirt to proclaim himself the “king of stones,” and you begin to appreciate how much HBO lucked out to have happened upon this uniquely qualified individual in casting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyIMu-FnEOA

Also, for kicks, here’s Bjornsson and another giant man combining to provide a human pull-up station for another competitor.

The Mountain That Lifts: a nice guy, but a far scarier prospect than The Mountain That Rides.

Dan is on Twitter, withering away as he waits for the Winds of Winter.

The future is not here, sneakerheads. But it's on the way.

Nicekicks.com (h/t OregonLive.com's Allan Brettman) reports that, before year's end, Nike is hoping to release a working pair of self-tying Nike MAG shoes like the ones worn by Marty McFly in Back to the Future Part II.

Back to the Future fans rejoice! Nike are set to release Marty Mcfly's incredible 2015 self-lacing shoes this year... pic.twitter.com/rBj5w4dhRP

— FHM (@FHM) January 9, 2015

Nike shoe designer Tinker Hatfield confirmed news of the release at the Agenda Emerge trade show in Long Beach, California, on Tuesday. The gist of Hatfield's message was that the shoe was in development, but to not expect the final product to be in stores in the immediate future.

Last year, Brandon Richard of solecollector.com relayed that Hatfield did believe an operating version of the shoe would be realized in 2015.

"Are we gonna see power laces in 2015? To that, I say yes!" Hatfield said.

If Nike manages to pull the project off, it will mark the full realization of a concept shoe dreamed up three decades ago. Ever since McFly first sank into those flashy high-top kicks in 1985, fans of the movie and shoe enthusiasts have daydreamed about the possibility of self-tightening laces.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28Wa5L-fkkM

Until now, the shoe has only been available as a non-functioning novelty, released several times over the last decade as a limited-edition kick. One of the MAG's more recent resurgences involved a 2011 Nike commercial with Kevin Durant, Bill Hader and Christopher Lloyd as Doc Brown.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUTMY0ek5zs

Over the last five years, supposed blueprints for a model with power laces have made the rounds on the Internet, but Hatfield's words mark the first confirmation that the company is on the cusp of making the technology a reality.

Rejoice, friends. We're months away from never tying our shoes again, and presumably a step closer to seeing a real, non-hoax-y hoverboard on the market.

What a time to be alive.

Follow Dan on Twitter for more sports and pop culture filigree.